Who you decide to be is who you are.
It’s all just an act.
I heard these spiritual teachings and mentally understood what they meant. Simple enough, right? You say you want to be happy, then decide you are a happy person. Act happy and you will then be happy. It seemed so easy.
Yet I wasn’t doing it. I didn’t buy into it 100% because I didn’t fully believe it was possible. I saw very few people embodying these teachings and actually doing it – deciding to be someone they wanted to be, acting like it, and then becoming or being that person.
Recently I made a decision to embody my true self, or my soul, as much as possible on this planet, which to me meant deciding to be a being that loves herself 100%. No self-judgment whatsoever. It meant being completely unconditionally self-loving in every single moment.
Making the decision was easy. I jumped from one reality to another. In the snap of a finger, I became that new version of myself simply by choice. I felt into how that version of myself would be and experience herself and I started to act as that being.
Because I realized that in each and every moment, you are a new person. The past version of yourself and who you were “acting” as before has no bearing on who you can decide to be in this now moment. None at all. Unless you want it to.
That’s the thing about owning your power as a creator- you create yourself anew in every single moment.
I never thought it was possible. I always believed that who I used to be determined who I was now- whether you call it karma, past childhood wounds, or something else. I was basing who I believed I was in this now moment on who I was in the past, like constantly going back and checking old memories to figure out who I was allowed to be. I believed I had to process something, change something, or shift something to become and embody who I wanted to be.
The truth is, you don’t. You can simply decide who you want to be in this now moment, like a being who loves themselves completely, and then you are that being. Your past has no bearing on who you decide to be now, unless you want it to. It really is as easy as that.
When you are a creator, there’s no rules. If you decide that the past has no bearing on who you are now, it doesn’t. That’s real freedom.
It’s as easy as saying, to quote Adamus St. Germain from the Crimson Circle, “that wasn’t me.” You free yourself from who you used to be by realizing that you can create a new version of yourself in the now. Who you were in the past is not who you have to be now. Those old ways you used to be and act are not you. YOU decide who you are NOW.
So in my case, the old version of myself was experiencing intense self-judgment. In this now moment, I can chose to be who I was in the past, or I can choose who I want to be now, which is self-loving. It happens in the blink of an eye.
Here’s the hard part: when you make that decision to be a new person, there is still a transition. Some teachers call it an echo of who you used to be. Other teachers call this feeling your aspects pulling you back. Whatever you call it, it’s not easy to go through.
When I decided to be a completely self-loving being in every moment, that means I have to be that in every single moment. Literally. I have to be “on it” ALL of the time during this transition period. I have to remind myself of who I decided to be in each and every now moment.
Because the draw or pull to go back to that old reality is strong.
Almost immediately after I made that decision, that shift in consciousness or realities, I felt a strong pull to go back into self-judgment. Now that I was out of that reality of self-judgment, I was amazed at the amount of it I was living with. It was so much the norm in my old reality that the heaviness and intensity of it shocked me.
The pull of the echo or the old aspects of myself to go back to self-judgment was strong. It still is. It was a comfortable place for me to stay in because I was used to it. This new reality still feels a little uncomfortable. It really does feel like I’m acting. But I know in time, this new person I’ve decided to be will settle in. The echo will go away, the aspects will integrate, and I will fully embody this new version of myself that I have decided to be. It’s already done.
But for now it’s literally work. It’s taking tremendous inner strength and determination to not get pulled back into my old patterns and ways of being and acting. I didn’t know how hard it would be, but I know it’s worth it. Because I can already feel what this new version of myself is like. And it’s an amazing experience. Total ecstasy. Heaven on earth.
Butterflies have been around me all day showing myself that I am in a period of transformation. I’m becoming a new version of myself because I’ve decided to be and I’m sticking to my decision, no matter how many aspects or old versions of myself show up in my awareness that try to convince me that I am not as grand and self-loving as I have decided to be.
I’m the one in charge now, not any of them. I didn’t believe I had that power until now. I felt at the mercy of my emotions and the whims of the old versions or aspects of myself. The obstacles and overwhelming power of those old versions of myself felt insurmountable. I felt completely powerless against them, like I was at the mercy of who they told me I was.
Their voices and emotions were so strong, I forgot who I really was. I forgot that I was the creator of those versions of myself and that I was equally as powerful as they were. I didn’t know that I was the one that could steer the ship at any moment. I didn’t know that I could let go of who I was just a moment before and become someone new a moment after.
I wasn’t truly owning my creatorhood.
But now I know how it really works. Who I decide to be is who I am. You can do this too. Decide who you are and act as that person. Do you want to be happy? Decide to be happy and act as a happy person would. Do you want to experience love? Choose to be a loving person and express that love. Act as person would who loves themselves.
And when the parts of you come up that want to convince you otherwise, that you are not happy or not love, decide again. Continue to act as who you decided to be. Don’t let those old parts of yourself talk you out of your decision.
YOU are in charge. Who you are is who you decide you are. It’s who you ACT as. No one ever has power over who you can be in each moment.
Even other parts of yourself.
Links to teachings that helped illuminate these concepts for me: