The Roller Coaster

“Please know this, you can get off the roller coaster at any time. You can get off the roller coaster at any time.

———

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend who was beginning a new romantic relationship when suddenly, I felt a message coming in that I was supposed to convey to this person. It was the above quote. You can exit the ride at any time.

Wherever this advice was coming from (I believe it was from this person’s soul, or higher mind) they were insistent that I relay this information very loudly and clearly- that at any point you could exit the relationship and it’s ups and downs in favor of something else.

What that something else was I wasn’t aware of yet and whoever was conveying the information was not telling me, simply sharing an energetic feeling of something beyond a normal romantic relationship.

I was left to wonder- what was beyond the roller coaster ups and downs of a romantic relationship? Isn’t that basically what all romantic relationships are like? It is possible not to have that experience with a partner?

It was just today that I realized what this advice was referring to- it’s the emotional roller coaster that is the state of human connection most of us are experiencing- connect, disconnect. Connect again, disconnect again. Experience a beautiful melding of bodies and souls, then crash back down when those bodies and souls inevitably go apart.

And the only reason I know this now is because all of a sudden today, I was absolutely sick of it. Completely over it. I wanted off the roller coaster. Now.

I wanted the heck out of the whole amusement park.

It was then that I realized what that “something else” was that I or the friend of mine could open up to at any time- peace. Equanimity. The divine love within. God. The love that never wavers. Source.

It will never be found in a relationship of any kind.

I saw that my own desires for a romantic relationship were based on thinking that a connection between someone else was the divinity I was searching for. That the love I shared with another person was the enlightenment. It was something I was trying to cling to as a source of fulfillment and happiness.

I hadn’t noticed that before. It was a subtle but sneaky way I was looking for love and divinity- through connection with others.

I spent some more time with this concept and realized that it doesn’t mean I won’t ever experience romantic relationships. It means I won’t be using them as the source of peace, love, and happiness anymore. Big difference.

When you’re on the roller coaster in a romantic relationship, you’re using your partner as the source of love and other good feelings. If you are feeling connected to your parter and they love you, all is well. If you disconnect or they are not loving you in the moment, you experience pain. This was the roller coaster dynamic I had had enough of.

I knew that there had to be a different way.

I’ve been experiencing this divine love, self-love, or whatever you want to call it for a while now. But that desire to fill a void of loneliness, unhappiness, or boredom with a romantic relationship has kept creeping in now and again. It tells me that the only way to happiness is through a parter, having another person to love and love me.

But I can’t listen to that voice anymore because I see that it’s not true. All relationships will end someday. Your partner could be mad at you tomorrow. You may hate them the next day. I often felt lonely in my marriage. The point is this- the pleasure found in them is fleeting and is not enlightenment. It’s not the peace and love I was looking for.

When I asked my soul what this new way of relating looks like, this different way, she showed me a love that still has it’s ups and downs, it’s connections and disconnections, but the partners are no longer the source of each other’s fulfillment. No one is relying on each other for happiness or love. She shows me two people holding hands while each is connected to the true source of love within.

She also showed me that this is no ordinary relationship. It takes two people that are fully committed to knowing the God within above all else, including the relationship itself.

Wait a minute…including the relationship itself? Ah, here was the fine print.

As my soul was showing me these images, I realized that while I may have said that my priority was embodied enlightenment and realization, I was not fully committed. My actions were saying something else. I was still hoping for a better human life which was mainly, an amazing relationship.

I didn’t want to give up that attachment and desire for the beautiful human experience that is a romantic partnership.

I believe this is one of the hardest things to let go of in our spiritual evolution- the searching for salvation, love, or safety in another person. We are all so terrified of being alone.

I saw that I was being shown all this because I’m ready. I’m ready for what’s beyond. I want the peace, the love, the happiness that’s found within. No longer will I use relationships as a way to feed myself what I can find inside. I want the peace and equanimity that I will never be able to find externally. I want the God within.

And I know I can have it because I already feel it. I’m now ready for it on an even grander scale.

So as scary as it is, I’m exiting the ride. Because I see that I’m going down this path anyway. I will eventually be forced to let go of all attachments to romantic relationships. I can distract myself for a while and do it later. Or I can do it now.

Now seems easier.

What this looks like in detail with any new romantic relationships I may have, I’ll let you know. The one thing I know for sure is I’m done with roller coasters. I never liked them anyway.

We all can exit the ride at any time.

Comments 5

  1. Today January first, I’m reading your post with such joy because the resonance to it is crystal clear, I am exactly at this point, “I hadn’t noticed that before. It was a subtle but sneaky way I was looking for love and divinity- through connection with others.” How synchronistic it is for me to read your post … during the night of January first I have dreamed that I was holding the hand of a woman ( knowing that every character in the dream represent a facet of me ) I started kissing her and wanted to make love with her but she paused and make known to me, in hindsight, beyond the words that she used, this energetic feeling “Self-Love first”. And also today I was drawn to look at your december 2016 posts relating to the fear of feeling, the bravery of feeling. I allways had so much struggle with my emotions in relationship with others, in fact it was the outer self boxing with it’s shadows/projections in a state of disaray deep down and such emotional reactivity on the surface. Constant anxiety in denial, my soul in it’s wisdom could have told me if I had been still that anxiety and all the emotions stems from the outer self searching for “any exit” that the roller coaster doesn’t bring while on the track, and going within is the only way out. And before receiving your e-mail with the new post that brought many insights to the surface in synchrony, I did ask the Master in me to make me feel it’s presence and the way he did it and it struck me out of the blue, what I received is ” I Feel YOU ” and I felt complete in this shared feeling presence, it felt as “I have your back, Trust in your Self awareness”. This is how this year begin for me and I thank you so much for your shared resonance and insights.

  2. And I want to add in compassion to my human that I could not digest emotions that are not mine being an ancestral body made of emotions it is only throught the feeling Presence of the I Am could this integration be realized. This is what The ” I Feel You ” meant to me so that the guilt and shame of being an inadequate, human be dissolved.

  3. Wow, Jean-Pierre what amazing insights you have into yourself and your experiences! I’m so glad that my sharing resonates with you and it came to you in perfect synchronicity. I know that “I Feel YOU” feeling. There’s nothing like it. 🙂

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