When I was 24 and in a relationship, I wanted to get married.
Was it because I wanted a big party with all my friends and family? No, I wasn’t interested in that at all.
Was it because I’d always dreamed of wearing a white dress and walking down the aisle towards my future husband? Nope, I never had those fantasies. That definitely wasn’t why I wanted to get married.
Was it because it’s what I thought I was supposed to do at that age after dating someone for a few years? A little bit, but that wasn’t my biggest motivator.
I wanted to get married because I believed I needed to secure love. I believed that if I didn’t have the security of a marriage contract to bind me and my partner, I would not be loved.
I believed if we weren’t married, or even officially labeled “boyfriend” and “girlfriend,” the love I experienced with my partner could slip away in an instant – that it could be withdrawn at a moments notice and I would be left alone, bereft.
I was trying to cling to love.
I don’t think I’m the only one that did this. I believe that’s the whole point of marriage – to bind two people together so they feel they have to stay in a relationship even if they are unhappy and it’s time to move on.
We make vows to stay together forever. Why? So we feel secure that our partner will not leave us. We’re afraid that if we’re not labeling or clinging to our relationships, we won’t be loved.
But I’m seeing now, it’s a false sense of security. Love isn’t something you can cling to or force to happen just because you signed a piece of paper or put a label on your relationship. If you want to experience real, unconditional love, it has to be free.
Now that I’m not married, I can see clearly what I was trying to do. And it was completely unnecessary. Because I actually feel more loved now that I’m not clinging to it.
I’ve been changing my perspectives on love and relationships a lot lately. It starts with me going back to a painful moment in my past and changing my perspective on it, my beliefs about it. I literally change the past and it’s opening up a whole new world and perspective for me regarding relationships.
Basically, I’m loving myself more than ever.
From this place, I’m not even sure I even want to be in an official relationship anymore. Yes, I want to experience love and friend relationships but I don’t want them to have rules. I want them to be free and open. I don’t want to be restricted or held back in any way.
I don’t want to put love in a box.
I don’t need the labels anymore. I don’t need the contract. I’m feeling more and more secure in the truth that I am always loved. Now, the most important relationship I have is with myself. I love myself first. All other love I experience in my life comes secondary and is only a reflection of the love I feel for myself.
Where it feels like I’m going in this new experience of myself and relationships is complete freedom. Which means, no labels and no rules. I’m not sure what this actually looks like in real life or the details of it but I’m tuning into the feeling.
If I’m going to be in a relationship in the future, it’s going to be an open one. I don’t want to be confined in any way. Will this bring up challenges for me and anyone else I’m interacting with? Of course! But I wouldn’t have it any other way. I came here to experience freedom in all forms this lifetime and this is one of the ways I’m choosing to do it.
It’s not that I’m going to be hopping from relationship to relationship, partner to partner. I actually prefer to be with one person most of the time. It’s just that putting rules and labels on love and relationships doesn’t feel good to me anymore. I can’t do it.
I don’t want to love someone from a place of being afraid to lose it. It’s actually not even possible. We are always loved by our grander selves. We just usually can’t feel that love until we start to open up to it. But it’s always there.
I want to love freely and trust that I am always loved in every single moment, whether I’m with someone in a relationship or not. I’m letting go of the need to cling to love in order to feel secure. For me, that’s the old way of doing things.
Love is love. It doesn’t need rules, contracts, or vows. I’m choosing to let it be free.
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