Oh my god, I’m blogging! This experience is bringing up a LOT of stuff for me, specifically with how the world is perceiving me. This is what it sounds like in my head: “You’re being too preachy. You’re not being understanding enough. You’re too harsh. Your writing isn’t good. You’re not smart enough to do this. You’re not spiritual enough. You’ve talked too much about Donald Trump. You don’t sound like a good, spiritual person. You’re doing it wrong. Your blog isn’t as nice and sweet at this other person’s. Nobody talks about current events in blogs about enlightenment blah, blah, blah”
My writing certainly doesn’t sound like a typical, spiritual, new-age person’s blog and this makes me wonder if what I have to say is ok. How will it be received? How will I be perceived? Often, what I write just flows out of me when I get inspired. It feels like it comes from my soul, not my human self. A lot of the time, my human self judges my writing very harshly, as evidenced above. Sometimes, to my human self, it seems really stupid, silly and very unimportant.
But I can’t ignore that to do this makes me feel very free and expanded. In addition to all these parts of myself it’s triggering, it also brings me joy. The day I decided to write and start this blog, I literally couldn’t contain myself, I was dancing and smiling all day. I was so excited. And it doesn’t feel like work. It feels fun, easy and it just flows. I’ve always had a lot to say, I just never allowed myself to say it out loud until now. So for now, I’m going to keep on blogging. Whatever I feel inspired to write about and share, I’ll do it. I think the voices in my mind will probably be there for a while but hopefully in time they will lessen. I’m choosing to ignore them and keep going with what feels good, and what feels good is to portray myself honestly and not hold myself back out of fear of what others might think.