Can I just tell you guys how scary it feels to put myself out into the world?
It’s one thing to talk about yourself when you’re writing a blog about recipes or fashion, but talking about spirituality, consciousness and awakening? Whole other thing.
Sharing my personal stories, struggles and feelings feels incredibly vulnerable.
Every single day putting myself out there this way scares me. Every single day. Not every moment of every day, but at least once a day, my stomach drops when I realize what I’ve shared with the world.
At least every other week I seriously consider taking the whole site down and going back into hiding because the fear is so intense. I never do, but for those few minutes, it seems like a really good idea.
But at the same time, it’s so exciting!
I started this blog because it sounded fun. I’ve continued doing it because it’s fun. Everything I do with it now, I do it because it brings me joy.
I share my posts because it’s fun. I comment on other people’s blogs and creations I like because it’s fun. I post in Facebook groups because it’s fun. I can’t help myself.
I feel like a whole different person than I used to be.
The old me of many years ago would never do this, and I mean never. I was too scared, too full of self-doubt, and too full of shame to even attempt something like this.
I surprise and shock myself everyday with how open I’m being with my life and experiences, with how much I’m putting myself out there.
It’s like I’m following a path of joy that my soul has laid out in front of me. Step by step, it’s taking me somewhere.
Almost every week I get inspired to do a new little thing – whether it’s to read a book that helps me set up my blog in a new way, to tweak something I’ve already created, or an idea for a whole new creation. Something is always popping into my awareness.
But I have no idea where this is all leading. I have no idea what I’m doing here with this blog.
I wanted to let you all know this because while it may seem like I have my s$@* together on here, I really don’t.
Every day I open up the website and go, What am I doing with this?
I don’t know why I’m doing it or where it’s going. I haven’t the faintest idea of what my long-term plans are for it. I can’t seem to put together a focus or a theme in any way.
And that’s actually a good thing.
It gets the human part of me out of the way so that my soul can orchestrate this creation in a grand, effortless way.
If I had goals or plans for this blog, they would be limited. They would be coming from my mind – the human part of me. They would be something that my mind came up with based only on what it knows is possible – a goal based on someone else’s creation or something that’s been done before.
And that’s not how I work anymore.
So, I keep following the path of joy.
And it does seem to be leading somewhere. Slowly but surely, something is forming here but I’m not quite aware of what it is yet.
And that’s perfect. At the right time, I’ll know exactly what I’m creating here. No sooner and no later.
I wanted to write about this because you all can do the same thing.
You can start doing something that makes you happy and gets you excited. Something that makes you jump up and down with joy.
You don’t need a plan or a vision.
The old me wouldn’t have attempted a blog because she didn’t have a plan. If she didn’t know the goal or the end result of doing something, it just wouldn’t be worth it. Too scary and too unpredictable.
This new me doesn’t care. She does what she wants in the moment because it feels good and it’s fun. Who needs a plan?
Nobody. You don’t need one either.
And you don’t have to be perfect starting out. My writing started out mediocre. I just kept doing it and doing it and it’s gotten better since then.
So friends, give yourself permission to start something just because it’s fun. To not have a plan. To not be great at it. To have no idea where it’s going.
To do it even though it terrifies you.
Start it anyway.
I guarantee, you’ll be surprised where it leads.
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